By: Samantha Ray
Three years ago I initiated a divorce. This decision was absolutely right for me, however this does not mean it’s been smooth sailing. This lifestyle change has provided me with plenty of practice to work with recognizing and releasing my resistance, fears, and pain as I embrace all the change involved. It has also taught me to embrace all the different aspects that naturally come with the territory of change, and to do it gracefully.
My coach (Sheri Lynn) advised me not to hook up with another man right away; to avoid the attempt to fix my feelings with something external. I complied. Instead I dug deep within, worked on healing, and fostering my relationship with myself. During this precious time with me I’ve learned a higher level of self care. I’ve learned to love and value myself with reverence, and to strengthen my courage, my self confidence. While it’s not always been comfortable being single, the benefits and joys have completely outweighed my discomfort. Learning to congruently live my values and walk my talk means that the next time I pick a man it won’t be based on my old habits and flawed beliefs that led me to pick the wrong one last time. It means I’m not going to repeat what didn’t work for me before!
Change is a deep process with many layers and is often uncomfortable because we are doing something different. As humans our brains reach for comfort, control, and predictability. With change we don’t know what to expect, how to control it, or even how to get comfortable.
Being a single mom, woman, and owner of two successful businesses is very different from how I lived while married for 15 years; and different does not mean worse or bad, although in the beginning I was confused about that. I’ve purposely stepped outside my comfort zone and into an unknown new world filled with opportunity. I’m grateful to be thriving. I’m continuing to break my old patterns, change my beliefs about what I deserve and I’m learning how to do ‘single’ really well in the process.
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Jenny
March 4, 2013
I can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow! I figured something out that is exactly what you wrote, “recognizing and releasing my resistance, fears, and pain”. I am so excited to be pealing away one more layer. Great article Sam. It shows that we are all, always changing and on the journey of peeling layers. 🙂
samantharay11
March 5, 2013
Thanks Jenny. Change is inevitable, we either resist it or embrace it. Resistance keeps us in pain. Embracing allows us to accept the change and move forward. Talk to you soon!